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Our children, our teachers

Our children, our teachers

Dec 3, 2020 | AWAKENING

This morning, my 20-year-old son gave me a good reset! “You are always on our back, you always have something to say! »

Giving me feedback to that part of me that controls, that wants everything to be perfect, to those aspects of my personality that nourish co-dependency, to my inability to let people just be…

Oh! This famous “love” of the Jewish mother, or, of a mother in general !

When “taking care” becomes conditional…

What is missing to this “love” that constrains, that interacts incessantly, is the silence that we find in self-esteem.

Yes, in the silence, there is all the love we were able to give to ourselves, all the capacity to be alone and to look at the other as a sovereign being, free and imperfect, as we are.

danceyourspirit-cabinet-accompagnementpersonnalise

We, mothers, tend to consider our children as an extension of ourselves, as one of the licenses of our family pack office!

It all starts with welcoming and love ourselves as we are, to cherish our imperfect humanity, to understand that by looking at those parts of ourselves we don’t like, we will be free and able to look at others, especially our children, without wanting to shape them, for their own good…

I love those moments when my children, with their heart and convictions, mirror me those parts in me, that I really find difficult to grasp. I love that they can, at the same time, express the weight that they feel on their shoulders, and their desire to make me grow.

I find myself so available to welcome their words, much more than with any other person.

To my children, my teachers, I see in you all the wisdom that you carry, and I express here my immense gratitude.

Emmanuelle

Lying is at the heart of abuse

Lying is at the heart of abuse

Nov 22, 2020 | TOXIC RELATIONSHIPS

Abuses, which are inherently morally unacceptable, are mostly hidden.

This is how children who are abused in their families, live in this lie, in this distortion between the social cover of a seemingly perfect family and the internal chaos of the same cell. Thus, in a fractal way, their psyche enters in dissociation. Living, laughing, performing, and inside are the great emptiness, the immensity of this suffering which brings all kinds of disorders: eating disorders, addictions, subject to manipulation…

Then lives are lived empty of senses and meaning…

 Sexually abusing a child is making him believe that this is the world, that this is love and maybe even that this is what a love story is.

Above all, there is silence. There is this injunction to silence through terror.

Thus, are created petrified beings, incapable of taking action, who live with this inner injunction, conscious or unconscious, of “you don’t move, otherwise…”, “you keep quiet, otherwise…” with the finger pointed, the piercing gaze, the rising tone, the crushing body of the abuser, what make them dissociate to survive.

danceyourspirit-cabinet-accompagnementpersonnalise

From this petrification is paradoxically born an incessant movement, the one of trauma. Doing, doing, doing, and above all not turning around, not feeling. Never stop, otherwise you will not be able to restart…

That’s how, lives flow like a river without a source, like a body without a soul…as if nothing had happened.

Thus, lies, silence and fear, become states of being.

Not the little lies of childhood, but the immense lies of the unconscious, those that we make to ourselves, those that one manages to make oneself believe, and this dissociation that prevents one from feeling “it’s serious, it’s not going to be like that at all! ».

This drama reproduces itself ad infinitum, generation after generation, until death follows…

The time has come to stop lying to ourselves, to raise our voices, to say and look at ourselves with kindness, compassion and acceptance of our worst past actions.

No longer to be guilty but responsible for rewriting our value system.

To understand, forgive and forgive ourselves at last.
And be reborn.

With Love
Emmanuelle